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On September 25th, 2021 at 23 weeks and 5 days pregnant, I gave birth via emergency c-section to two beautiful girls. This began the hardest journey of our life. Our girls were transferred to Bayview shortly after being born at Howard County General. They faced many challenges and we would later find out that statistically, they only had about a 25% chance of survival.
The list of medical issues they both would face seemed never-ending. Twin A, Hosanna, had a PDA that needed to be closed surgically. She had brain bleeds, BPD, ROP (which needed laser eye surgery), and a whole list of things that would pop up. Twin B, Noa, had a stroke in her brain, a PDA (which closed on it’s own), BPD, ROP (which needed laser eye surgery), and just like her sister, a long list of things that would pop up throughout their time in the NICU.
It felt incredibly hard to have any hope in their situation. We were always told the worst-case scenario. After we couldn’t take any more bad news, we asked, is there any sliver of hope, is there any way they could be “normal” babies after this? Reluctantly, the doctors told us that in rare cases they could be normal, however, it was very unlikely. That was enough hope for us to hold on to and we held on to it as tight as we could. We remember being told early on that the babies that do the best are the ones whose parents are there a lot.
Luckily, we only lived about 20 minutes away from the hospital so, we committed, that no matter what, we would visit our girls every day. It was exhausting and at one point, Hosanna had been transferred downtown for her PDA surgery so, we would visit two hospitals for about a month. We would hold them for as long as we could (once they were stable enough, which was about 3.5 weeks for Noa and almost 5 weeks for Hosanna), we would change their diapers, help with cares, and do anything we could to feel like “normal” parents. I pumped endlessly since breastmilk was the only thing I could give my babies that was from their mother (seriously, I had a breast pump and cooler with me everywhere I went). We prayed over them at every visit, we would sing to them, read books, and sometimes, we would just stare at them being so overcome with love and fear at the same time. No one could have prepared us for the emotional rollercoaster that is the NICU but, within the NICU there are many beautiful moments.
Beautiful moments in the NICU look vastly different but, they make all the bad melt away. When our girls would go down on oxygen requirements we celebrated. When we first heard them cry, it felt like a melody. When we could do skin-to-skin and they didn’t desat once and no beeping happened, it was peaceful. Every pound they gained made them look like “chubby” babies. Our first Christmas was in the NICU and when my husband went to say hi to Noa that morning, she looked at him and smiled. I don’t think any Christmas gift will ever compare to that.
The NICU gets a bad rep for being a scary place, and while it can be, it’s also a place where some of the most amazing humans work (who quickly become a second family). It’s a place filled with so much love. A place that sees miracles. A place where you will see life grow before your very eyes. Before the girls were able to come home they had to get MRIs. Hosanna’s brain had healed from the brain bleeds. The stroke they had seen on multiple of Noa’s head ultrasounds? Completely gone. Our 23-weekers who we had been told would have so many issues, were coming home like they were “normal” newborns. This was the biggest miracle we saw happen in our girls and it’s just one of many. There’s a reason premature babies are referred to as being preemie strong because it’s a strength, unlike anything you will ever see.
Each journey in the NICU is different and ours was a miraculous one. After 136 & 137 days in the NICU, we were able to bring our girls home. Thanks to all the care the Bayview NICU team provided, our miracle girls came home without any medical equipment and taking full bottle feeds. Something, we were told in the beginning, would not be likely to happen. We were so blessed during our NICU journey to have family and friends support us however, that is not the case for so many families/parents in the NICU. That is why we started a CausePage t shirt fundraiser where proceeds will bring gifts to families and supply the NICU team with items they could use to help families. A simple gift can make a hard day or time in the NICU bring a little happiness into it.
Ways to support Bayview Bay-Bies:
Shop + Give: 40% of each custom CauseTee purchase will be donated back.
Crowdfunding: 100% (minus standard fees) will be gifted back.
Shop CAUSETEAM Merch - 40% of every purchase is donated.
